jokes

Viola Player
A viola player was returning from a gig, and, feeling tired, decided to stop at a roadside cafe for a rest and a cup of coffee. Halfway through the cup he remembered he'd left his viola on the passenger's seat of the car.

He rushed outside... but it was too late... someone had broken the window and put two more violas on the rear seat!


Piano Tuner
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front porch. "Madam," he announced, "I'm the piano tuner."

The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner."

The man replied, "I know you didn't, but your neighbors did."


Debate
A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The biologists: "They have reproduced".

The mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."


White Zebra
A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a photo-safari in africa. They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist: "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle : A white zebra! It's fantastic! There are white zebra's! We'll be famous!"

The statistician: "It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra."

The mathematician: "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side."

The computer scientist: "Oh, no! A special case!"




Magic Lamp
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."

The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."

The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."

The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"

Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."


Metaphysics
If metaphysics is being qua being;
and if epistomology is knowing qua knowing;
then metaphilosophy must be... qua qua qua.


Take Every Four Hours
A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. "Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours," the pharmacist says.

"Don't worry," replies the patient. "It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off".



Apply Locally
Customer gets a topical cream. Direction: apply locally two times a day.

Customer says to the pharmacist: "I can't apply locally, I'm going overseas."





Psychologist vs. Magician
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?

A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!


Insulting
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"


Language Name
"The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language."


Object Oriented
"Have you heard about the object-oriennted way to become wealthy?"

"No..."

"Inheritance."